Stars Go Blue
by WhatWasOnceSilver
Summary: Daltonverse. Julian wants a divorce, and Logan doesn't. It doesn't help matters that they're still in love with each other... Future!Jogan


**Hello everybody! Just a note to let you know that there's sex in this, but it's not graphic, hence the rating.**

* * *

Julian glances over at the man wrapped in black. The actor's fingers are folded into each other as they rest on the table before him. He looks partially because the lawyer is talking and it's only polite, and partially because Logan won't stop looking at him like that.

His green eyes are disconcerting.

"Payments," the podgy man is saying. "Of course, all that would change if – "

"He can have the TV," Logan cuts in smoothly. "I don't want it."

Julian chances a glance up at him. He's still staring, green eyes flavored with dullness, no real spark igniting.

Julian turns back to the lawyer. He looks like a blob of pudding someone's put a tie on.

"Well…all right, then," says the pudding. There's a short moment of silence, and then he closes the binder in front of him with a noise that almost makes Julian jump. "It seems we've run out of time for today, gentlemen. I'll see you both on Tuesday?"

Julian gives him a curt nod. With an answering dip of his head, the blob sweeps out of the room, and soon it's completely empty.

Completely empty besides Julian and Logan, that is.

Julian looks down at his fingernails. They're bitten down awkwardly, because it's the first time in his life he's ever starting gnawing at his nails. But there you are. Stress can do that to you.

"So."

Julian looks up. Logan thinks that his eyelashes are particularly long and dark this evening.

"So."

Logan doesn't continue, and Julian looks away. After a brief moment unbroken by the chirping of crickets, Julian clears his throat, pushes his chair away from the long table, and stands, beginning to gather up all his papers.

"Are you happy?"

Julian stills, long fingers brushing over the papers only hesitantly. Then he resumes his work.

"Don't be stupid. I'm divorcing the man I've loved my entire adult life; of course I'm not happy."

Logan's gaze doesn't waver. It's really starting to make him tense.

"It was your decision."

"I know," Julian snaps. "Leave me alone, won't you?"

Logan doesn't say anything more, just looks at him. Julian gathers up all his papers and shoves them away, slinging the bag over his shoulder. Then he presses both hands against the table and looks down, needing to collect his thoughts before he leaves.

Finally he sighs, more irritated than sad. "People get divorced for a reason, Logan."

"I know."

"It's not like this is easy for me."

"I know."

"This isn't what I would have chosen."

"I know."

"Well then what do you _want_ from me, goddammit?"

Logan looks at him calmly as he pants a little, bag sliding down his shoulder suddenly. He shrugs it off angrily and it plops onto the floor.

"And what's your reason?" the blond asks finally.

Julian looks away irately, crossing his arms over his chest. "You know my reason."

"I'm not sure I do."

"Oh? So you _weren't_ a participant in those three a.m. screaming matches, or the fight that lasted for two weeks and exiled most of our pottery into oblivion?"

"Married couples fight, Julian."

"Yeah, well, maybe I don't want to fight anymore."

He won't look at him, but Logan is gazing up through his blond eyelashes, ever so calm. It's infuriating.

"You're never going to be able to run away from pain like that, Julian." The brunet is silent. "But I guess you wouldn't get that, would you. You've always been in love with running away." Before Julian can throw back an indignant response, the blond stands up swiftly and begins packing up his own belongings. "And that's the real reason you're leaving me: because you love avoidance more than you love me." He shoves a pencil into his bag forcefully and it stabs his palm before falling to the bottom with a dull sound. "Unless it's already replaced whatever love you had."

"Don't pull that _bullshit_ with me, Logan." Julian watches angrily as Logan looks down at the papers he's handling, pushing text after text into the blackness of his briefcase. "You know how much I love you."

"All I _know_ is that people who love each other don't get divorced."

"This isn't a fairytale, Logan. I wish we could just ride off into the sunset and get sprinkles and rainbow dust and fairy glitter but we can't, okay? We just can't."

Logan has finished filling his briefcase. He closes it with a snap and leans his hands on its surface, staring over at Julian.

"I cannot believe you're feeding me this bullcrap right now."

Julian glares at him. "_What_ bullcrap?"

"When people are in love they _find_ a way. They don't just _give up_."

"Do you think this is _easy_ for me?"

"Oh, for God's sake!" Julian starts a little as Logan throws his briefcase onto the ground a few feet away, slamming his palms down onto the long table in front of him to glare at his husband. "This isn't a _pity party_ for you, Julian. You don't get to make a choice like this and then pretend like you didn't have anything to do with it. I wouldn't force you to stay married to me even if I could, but I love you and from what I've heard you fucking love me too. And I sure as hell think a marriage like this is worth fighting for, so don't go playing dumb, Larson. Don't you dare play dumb."

Julian is gritting his teeth, fists clenched as hot tears leap up to his eyes. He brushes them away angrily. "Well I'm _sorry_ if I'm the only _practical_ one in this relationship. But you don't exactly have a great track record with keeping things together, either." He pushes off the table and goes to walk towards the windows, trying to block Logan out even as the blond hisses out his retort.

"I didn't fucking _marry_ any of them, did I?" He strides towards the large glass panes so he's standing only a few feet away from the boy he loves. "I didn't vow to stay with any of them until we were old and pruney."

Julian puts his hands over his ears, gritting his teeth. The tears threaten to spill over at any moment, but he can't hear any more of this, he can't. "Stop," he manages.

"I didn't flip through ads for adoption agencies while sitting next to them at the dentist's office, did I?" Logan continues. "I didn't think about committing suicide when any of them were lying alone in their hospital beds, _dying_."

"_Stop_." It's a strange combination of a hiss and a sob. "Stop _talking_, Logan."

"Why? Because you know everything I'm saying is true? Because if you just shut up and think about it you'll realize that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life, and the only reason this is happening is because you're a fucking _coward_?"

Julian makes a strangled noise. It really does sound like a sob this time.

"Because then you'll be forced to come to terms with the fact that I – " He grabs Julian's wrists and brings them down from his ears. " – would never – " He slams him back against the wall. " – do to you what you're doing to me?" Julian's wrists are pinned against the roughness of bumpy white.

Julian is crying.

His eyes are squeezed shut and his body is shaking, chest letting out unhealthy, ripped sounds as it struggles, poorly, to contain itself. He can't even come up with anything to say back to him, anything good or bad, _anything_.

The truth is, this is killing him, and he's never wanted to do something like this, something that would break Logan's heart.

One set of Logan's fingers loosens. Julian's wrist stays placed against the wall as that large hand wanders over the actor's wet skin, wondering, almost reverent. It wipes away his tears and caresses the side of his face. Logan kisses him, and Julian can't even tell him to stop.

The blond lets go of his other wrist and cradles both sides of his face in his big hands, and Julian wraps both arms around his neck and falls into him fervently, pressing their bodies together hard as he stands on his tiptoes and continues to kiss him, and continues to cry.

Logan tugs at his shirt, almost desperate, and Julian breaks away for one painful moment to get the article of clothing off his body as quickly as he can. The shirt falls to the floor and Julian goes back to Logan, hands flying to either side of his face as the tears streak down his cheeks in wet succession.

Julian ends up bent over the table, head buried in his arms as he cries, Logan's hands wandering over his back gently and leaning under him to wrap around his chest, keeping him close. They don't have a condom, but it's not even an issue. They both know neither one of them could ever have thought to sleep with someone else.

It's not enough, and soon they're in a cab, kissing fervently in the back seat and throwing a handful of bills at the driver (they end up tipping her sixty dollars) and stumbling up the stairs to the apartment they used to share.

Logan pins him up against the wall and down on the bed and even on the floor, and they fuck and fuck until the day shatters and breaks into a new one and suddenly they're tired and even they can't do this anymore.

…

Julian wakes up on a bed of white sheets, resting on his side in a room he hasn't slept in for a long time. He blinks, hands shaking a bit in front of him as they move across the whiteness that smells like Logan, like Logan and sex.

The actor sighs and very slowly tries to shift. The arms around him tighten and pull him back to a naked chest, and Logan mumbles into his neck, trying to keep him closer.

"Don't go…"

Julian stares out at the white, sunken back into the pillows. "I have to."

"You don't." A pause. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Then stay."

Julian cries and wraps his fingers together with Logan's, holding them against his beating heart.

"You wouldn't…you wouldn't ever leave me, right?"

Logan presses a soft kiss to the back of his neck. Outside, it's started to rain.


End file.
